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FOR SALE: TEN NUCLEAR MISSILES AND ONE FAMILY-SIZED PERIOD HOME

Monday, August 1st, 2011

IMAGINE for a minute that America couldn’t agree a deal on its mounting debt crisis and had to hock some of its heirlooms to pay off its debtors.

While world economies may be up the creek without a proverbial paddle if it ever came to this, it would make for some interesting decisions around the White House dining table in the coming weeks wouldn’t it?

Barack Obama, sipping a cup of Earl Grey, says: “So, how much do you reckon we’d get for our national munitions Michelle?”

Michelle Obama: “Not sure honey, but I’m pretty sure we could sell a good few Oval Office paper-weights at the Washington Flea-traders Sunday Market.”

Barack: “Hey, we could put the Nukes on eBay. Start a world auction. Surely they’d get some attention. No way I’d accept any bids from Middle-East buyers though. Unless it was on Buy-it-Now, of course – that’d be money in the bank.

“Or maybe we could persuade the CIA to sell some of its confiscated Columbian ‘stock’ in Mexico. I can see the advertising campaign now – White Stuff from the White House. It’ll go down a bomb with our Latin American friends.”

Michelle: “Let’s not forget about the house, baby. I’ll call the Realtors this afternoon. They’ve got an offer on at Bridgefords over on the Westside – just 1% commission instead of the usual 3%.

“How about this? Good-sized period family home, large front and rear lawns, own staff, and small oval-shaped home-office.”

Barack: “You may want to put a disclaimer in that advert about the likelihood of being attacked by aliens. Mention the fact we have a lithium-crystal nuclear defence system designed to ward off any extra-terrestrial foes, and cavity wall insulation plus we’ll throw in the Declaration of Independence document if they offer full asking price.”

Michelle: “Will do darling. I’ll also mention that as it’s white-washed the exterior paintwork may need regular maintenance too. Only fair to be honest isn’t it?”

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

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SUPERHEROES IN MANCHESTER’S NORTHERN QUARTER – NEW HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER TURNS TO COTTONOPOLIS FOR ITS BACKDROP

Monday, September 27th, 2010

27 September 2010

Captain America

WALKING through Manchester’s Northern Quarter right now, you’d be forgiven for thinking the bad old days of Gunchester had reared their ugly head once more.

On Friday, as I strolled along Dale Street on my way into work, there was a huge sign proclaiming that guns and explosions would be heard throughout the day.

“That’s nice. At least they’re giving us a bit of warning. Seems like Manchester’s street gangs have a new-found conscience,” I mused for a second.

Clearly not.

This historic part of city centre Manchester – famed for being the centre of the fabric-trading world back in the day (thus its historic tag Cottonopolis) – has more in common with 1940s Manhattan than the modern, bustling capital of Northern café culture it has recently become.

So while Deansgate and the glassy new buildings of Spinningfields provide the city’s pinstripes, court-attending criminals and office-types uniformed in Next sales stock constant reflections of why and how they exist, Dale Street and the dark, Satanic mills of the Northern Quarter provide an altogether more nostalgic surrounding.

I can see why the Hollywood bigwigs like coming here. Take a look above street level – a little 45 degree look upwards while you’re walking to get a lunchtime buttie should do the trick – and you are transported back to a time when you were no-one without a fedora or flat cap.

Twelve feet above pavement level Manchester is a twin of war-era New York. It is, it seems, also much cheaper and easier to film here than in the Big Apple. That’s why they come.

As a proud Mancunian I really hope they take a little more than their fancy cameras and props home with them when they head back across the water to Tinsletown. Mancunians love this city. It has the grit of New York with an admirable sense of irony and humour on top.

Mancunians are fiercely proud of the Rainy City but they’re not afraid to have a little laugh at their own expense. That sense of balance is sadly missing in many of the hugely pompous sky-scraper lined streets of big cities around the world, New York especially. Our American visitors would do well to remember it is that exact quality that makes Manchester such a special place and not just a discounted stunt double for Manhattan.

By Adam Moss, News Editor

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THE WHICH BLAIR PROJECT – CONTROVERSIAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY REVEALS A MAN OF MANY FACES

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

2 September, 2010

IS IT just me or does anyone else have a suspicion that Alastair Campbell might still be pulling strings for Tony Blair?

The former Labour PM’s autobiography is, as you’d expect, hugely controversial – he has a rich retirement to prepare for after he cleans up on the after dinner speaking circuit – but it also smacks of being shaped by the hand of a PR guru.

Alastair Campbell

Alastair Campbell

Tony Blair, for all his success in transforming the fortunes of the Labour Party, was never a man who had a firm grasp of PR. That’s why he employed Alastair Campbell. Campbell was the puppet master and Blair the showbiz frontman. And, boy, did it work.

The problem with running a political party like a PR agency, as the Blair-Campbell dream-ticket discovered, is that the inconsistencies soon start to poke through the facade of quasi-socialism.

And that was ultimately Blair’s undoing. People didn’t know which Tony Blair they were going to get – the young, brave socialist who played electric guitar but has a firm social responsibility, or the blinkered puppet-on-a-string who danced blindly in the shadow of the USA.

His biographical recollections of his time as Prime Minister – the only political post he ever held – are full of such inconsistencies and look like they’ve been moderated by Alastair Campbell’s red pen.

Blair’s greatest moment was, arguably, Election night 1997, when he first came to power. I love his recollection of the night. It’s full of bravado but underlined by a little human uncertainty.

He said: “This was not a win. It was a landslide. After about two hours for a time I actually became worried. The moving line at the bottom of the TV screen was showing over a hundred Labour seats. The Tories had just six. I began to think I had done something unconstitutional.”

Lovely stuff.

When he recalls his fractious relationship with Gordon Brown, Blair reveals himself a man who won’t suffer fools but still maintains a sense of humour.

“I’m afraid I stopped taking his calls. Poor Jon [an adviser] would come in and say: “The chancellor really wants to speak to you.” I would say: “I am really busy, Jon.” And he would say: “He is really demanding it.” Then I would say: ‘I’ll call him soon.” And Jon would say: “Do you really mean that, prime minister?” And I would say: “No, Jon.”.”

But then we move to his memory of 9/11 and the twin towers horror. The quote, to me at least, suggests Campbell has his Rent a PR Quote book out and Blair, for the first time, is starting to behave like a geek in awe of America’s playground bully.

He said on hearing the news the Twin Towers had been attacked: “At that moment, I felt eerily calm despite being naturally horrified at the devastation, and aware this was not an ordinary event but a world-changing one. It was not America alone who was the target, but all of us who shared the same values. We had to stand together.”

More evidence required?

This is what he says, with the benefit of hindsight, about George W Bush. “He was, in a bizarre sense… a true idealist.”

What?

What about this memory of negotiating with the Rev Ian Paisley over the Northern Ireland Peace Deal?

“Once, near the end, he asked me whether I thought God wanted him to make the deal that would seal the peace process. I wanted to say yes, but I hesitated; though I was sure God would want peace, God is not a negotiator.”

God is not a negotiator? Of course he’s not – everyone knows he is, in fact, a DJ.

In all seriousness though Alastair, stop it. Stop writing throwaway PR sound bytes and trying to make them sound like literature. It’s embarrassing. And it gives PR a bad name.

By Adam Moss, News Editor

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END IT LIKE BECKHAM – GOVERNMENT CUTS UNDERMINE UK FILM INDUSTRY

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

July 27, 2010

The Department for Culture, Media and Sport is to axe the UK Film Council

The Department for Culture, Media and Sport is to axe the UK Film Council

WHERE will it all end?

Well, it seems like the cutting room floor will be the final stopping point for the UK Film Council.

The Council is to be axed as part of a cost-cutting drive by the Department for Culture, Media and Sport.

How typically English. Inject enough cash to finance an organisation which actually helps launch the careers of some of the UK’s best actors and directors and produces some of our most successful movies, then pull the rug out from underneath it.

Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt confirmed the move, which is part of a raft of DCMS cost-cutting measures that will see 16 public bodies merged, streamlined or got rid of altogether.

Mr Hunt said: “In the light of the current financial situation, and as part of our drive to increase openness and efficiency across Whitehall, it is the right time to look again at the role, size and scope of these organisations.”

The Film Council was founded in 2000 by the Labour government to develop and promote the British film industry.

The organisation has dished out some £160m into more than 900 films over the last 10 years, including Bend It Like Beckham, The Last King of Scotland and…err…StreetDance 3D.

Let’s forget StreetDance 3D for a moment shall we? We all make mistakes. Let’s look at the other two instead. Bend It Like Beckham grossed millions around the world as it topped box office charts and launched the career of one Keira Knightley. None too shoddy an affair I’m sure you’ll agree. The Last King of Scotland gave Shameless star James McAvoy one of his first leading movie roles and made him the Hollywood name he is today. Another hit then.

So, while everyone agrees that a successful British movie industry relies on producing a steady stream of quality new actors as well as encouraging new directors and, not to put too fine a point on it, actually making some real money, the moneymen inside the hallowed halls of Whitehall see the UK Film Council as an unnecessary expense.

How short-sighted. Another asset that makes Britain ‘Great’ is gone forever.

The movie business makes money for all the connected industries, be that catering, transport, toursim and bolsters the national economy. It’s not just filling the pockets of those directly involved. Do you believe for a minute that Hollywood would be such a mammoth tourist pull were it not for that fact that the global behemoth of the US movie industry is based there? Of course not. It would still be a sleepy little Californian village in the shadow of a big hill.

UK Film Council chairman Tim Bevan CBE said: “People will rightly look back on this announcement and say it was a big mistake, driven by short-term thinking and political expediency,” he said.

“British film, which is one of the UK’s more successful growth industries, deserves better.”

Exactly.

By Adam Moss, News Editor

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TERRY’S RALLYING CRY BACK FIRES

Monday, June 21st, 2010

IF ANY England footballer needs good PR right now, it’s John Terry.

You’d expect someone whose name is often prefixed, albeit often in jest, by England’s Brave (i.e. England’s Brave John Terry), to not only give their all for the cause, but also stand firmly behind their team-mates (unless their girlfriends are present, of course) and the manager of the England team.

Not this John, it seems.

What should an England captain, or even former England captain, do when the team’s back is against the wall and criticism is coming down on the beleaguered football giants like Manchester rain in autumn?

Tell you what John, why don’t you use a press conference in front of the world’s media to sew the seeds of a players’ revolt in the England camp and suggest to the massed journalists that Fabio’s grand plan for World Cup glory is fatally flawed?

Why don’t you suggest that the players, the very people who couldn’t muster a single breath of passion for their beloved England against lowly Algeria on Friday night, know better than Fabio and that you’re all going to confront him and tell him exactly what you think?

And while you’re at it, you may as well ask Mrs Cappello out for a date.

The nation shuddered at John Terry’s sheer arrogance on Sunday. World Cup related blogs have been filled with nothing but contempt for the one-time English Captain ever since.

Someone should have a word in John Terry’s ear. This is the World Cup sir, not some missing chapter from Shakespeare’s Othello. You are John Terry not Iago, for goodness sake.

Ever heard the phrase divide and conquer, John? It’s what enemies usually aim to do on the battlefield, or cynical businessmen intent on causing confusion in a multinational boardroom just before they let loose a hostile takeover.

You’ve done it to your own team. Your own team-mates. Your own manager. Your own country.

You should be bloody ashamed of yourself John.

If there’s dirty washing to clean, do it in the privacy of the team hotel. Behind closed doors. Somewhere, anywhere, out of earshot of the world’s press.

Hear that noise, John? That’s the rest of the world laughing at England’s insistence on pushing the self-destruct button. Even the French are giggling.

Now’s the time to shut your mouth and do your talking on the pitch. This isn’t a matter of life and death. It’s far more important than that.

Remember Waterloo? Remember the Somme?

Remember who you are representing John.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

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BRAZEN WEEKLY DIGITAL PRESCRIPTION – 28 MAY 2010

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

Brazen PR

Searching for the World Wide Web’s hottest trends, keenest insight and most cunning digital PR and social media campaigns, here is your weekly Digital Prescription:

INSIGHT – Online News
For many months Rupert Murdoch, owner of News International, has been flexing his media muscle against the likes of Google in a fight over the freedom of news content online. This week saw less words and more action from the media mogul as The Times and Sunday Times relaunched online to encompass Murdoch’s paywall structure. Would you pay £1 per day for access to The Times online? Is this the evolving face of Fleet Street?

INSIGHT – Online Newspapers
Online national news coverage isn’t as worthy as print coverage right? Rubbish! The latest figures released by ABCe highlights the Mail as the nation’s most viewed national website, hitting an astonishing landmark figure of 40m monthly unique users. Now tell me online coverage isn’t important!

CASE STUDY – Nike
The sportswear giant has broken its own record for the biggest audience in the first week of a campaign with its latest “write the future” video. Securing an amazing 7.8m hits within seven days, it seems online is wiping the floor with both print and TV. How’s Spotify doing dare I ask?

CASE STUDY – Dyson
A few weeks back I showed you how Hi-Tech demonstrated their new waterproof trainers superbly by running on water. This week – Dyson previews the power of their hoovers with….a balloon?!

AND FINALLY…Heineken
Another company to feature in the Digital Prescription regularly. Design your own shoes, T-shirts, cars, bikes, etc, etc…and now beer!

By Graeme Anthony, Brazen’s Digital Doctor

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BRAZEN WEEKLY DIGITAL PRESCRIPTION – 21 MAY 2010

Friday, May 21st, 2010

Brazen PR

Searching for the World Wide Web’s hottest trends, keenest insight and most cunning digital PR and social media campaigns, here is your weekly Digital Prescription:

INSIGHT – Internet Usage
Latest research reveals Brits are spending 65% more time online than three years ago, equating to nearly one day a month online – need I say more…?

INSIGHT – Online Shopping
UK online shoppers spent more than £4.4bn in April, an increase of 13% year on year – need I say more…again?

CASE STUDY – Hyundai
What would you trade for a trip to the World Cup? That’s the question that Hyundai are asking fans to answer in their latest social media project. To support their sponsorship of the 2010 South African World Cup, the motoring giant is requesting users to upload videos describing what they’d swap in exchange for World Cup tickets, with the three most popular winning trips to South Africa plus match tickets.

CASE STUDY – Diesel
One week it’s Levi’s, the next it’s Diesel…it’s like these two companies are competing for digital domination. But who cares when they’re producing campaigns like this! This week – Diesel Cam, a world’s first store concept that allows customers to Facebook from their fitting rooms.

AND FINALLY…Fortnight Lingerie
If you’re feeling a little hot under the collar after this week’s glorious sunshine…I wouldn’t advise you watching this video produced by Fortnight Lingerie. Super Sexy CPR…it’ll certainly set pulses racing!

By Graeme Anthony, Brazen’s Digital Doctor

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BRAZEN WEEKLY DIGITAL PRESCRIPTION – 14 MAY 2010

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Brazen PR

Searching for the World Wide Web’s hottest trends, keenest insight and most cunning digital PR and social media campaigns, here is your weekly Digital Prescription:

CASE STUDY – Honda
When it comes to crowd-sourcing, the Live Every Litre campaign by Honda is top of its game. Honda say; ‘We wanted this to be a co-created, crowd-sourced, multilingual documentary – the first of its kind. And we wanted the stars of the film to be real people. So we asked the whole of Europe to get involved and share their dream journeys with us.’ This campaign has everything, use it as a benchmark.

CASE STUDY – Hi-Tec
OK…so it’s a fake. But that’s not the point – it’s the brand synergy that counts. So how do you demonstrate your water-proof trainers? By making them walk on water of course. And how do you promote this to your audience? With an ENTERTAINING viral of course…

CASE STUDY – Chile FC
So how does Chile prepare for the World Cup? By creating the country’s first footballing saint of course – Marcelo Bielsa. And what better way to honour him by asking citizens to light 100,000 virtual candles and create a miracle! Perhaps England should do the same by asking fans to take 100,000 virtual penalties?

CASE STUDY – AC/DC
So what’s the next big thing in experiential marketing? Projection mapping is hot on the agenda and this example by Sony for AC/DC’s partnership with Iron Man is superb. You’ll never look at Rochester Castle in the same light ever again…literally!

AND FINALLY…Berghs School of Communication
Don’t tell Ashton! That’s what students from Berghs School of Communication are saying in this innovative piece of live Twitter artwork. Move over Mona Lisa, the Twitter community are the stars now!

By Graeme Anthony, Brazen’s Digital Doctor

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GORDON BROWN: WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD A MEDIA COURSE HAVE MADE?

Friday, May 14th, 2010

So Gordon Brown thinks things may have been a little different had he reaped the benefits of a media studies course.

Yeah. Right.

Because that’s what they teach you in media studies isn’t it?

Lesson one: Never call a politically out-of-touch old lady a ‘bigot’ when you’ve got a microphone strapped to your lapel.

Lesson two: Develop a sense of humour well in advance of the day before you’re expecting the entire country to vote for you.

Imagine if Mr Brown had enjoyed the experience a media course would have given him.

He’d have still shouted at incompetent ministerial aides wouldn’t he? Media training doesn’t teach you what to do when you lose your temper at the sheer ineptitude of your underlings.

He’d have still called Gillian Duffy a “bigot” when he assumed he was back in the safety of his blacked out government limo. Media Studies doesn’t teach you NEVER to reveal your true feelings does it?

It teaches you the tricks of communication. How to use every available tool in the communications workshop to make your point heard and memorable.

Brown got the ‘memorable’ bit all by himself. His problem was his method of hammering it home. Gordon’s approach was tantamount to using a sledgehammer where a meat tenderiser was all that was required.

His true failing was revealing that, like the rest of us, he’s infallibly human. He swears, cusses, gets angry, argues, is irritated by morons and endures bad moods just like we all do.

Like all ailing superheros, it is that humanity which eventually becomes the fuel of their ultimate downfall.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

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Posted in Celebrity, Public Relations | 1 Comment »

BRAZEN WEEKLY DIGITAL PRESCRIPTION – 07 MAY 2010

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Brazen PR

Searching for the World Wide Web’s hottest trends, keenest insight and most cunning digital PR and social media campaigns, here is your weekly Digital Prescription:

INSIGHT – UK politics
Whether the outcome left you jumping for joy or weeping over your breakfast, it was positive to see queues at polling stations up and down the country and our younger generation taking an active interest in British politics. Social media and the digital sphere is thought to be the driving force behind its revival.

CASE STUDY – Umbro
This week saw Man City take on Spurs for the battle of 4th place and also Umbro attempt to break the record for the most people ‘checked-in’ to one single Foursquare venue. Unfortunately the record wasn’t broken but full marks to Umbro for experimenting with new social media platforms.

CASE STUDY – Google
What’s the fastest; Google Chrome, explosives, electricity or sound? Let’s find out with this latest video released by the search engine giant. Entertainment, intrigue and slow motion HD…hit written all over it.

CASE STUDY – Peugeot
The French car maker suggests that you don’t choose its latest creation, the RCZ, but in a role reversal – the car chooses you. How does the car choose you you ask? With a classified ad of yourself of course.

AND FINALLY…Nokia
Nokia…the masters of creating a digital spectacle in the real world. Need we say more?

By Graeme Anthony, Brazen’s Digital Doctor

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