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Posts Tagged ‘Gordon Brown’

GORDON BROWN: WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD A MEDIA COURSE HAVE MADE?

Friday, May 14th, 2010

So Gordon Brown thinks things may have been a little different had he reaped the benefits of a media studies course.

Yeah. Right.

Because that’s what they teach you in media studies isn’t it?

Lesson one: Never call a politically out-of-touch old lady a ‘bigot’ when you’ve got a microphone strapped to your lapel.

Lesson two: Develop a sense of humour well in advance of the day before you’re expecting the entire country to vote for you.

Imagine if Mr Brown had enjoyed the experience a media course would have given him.

He’d have still shouted at incompetent ministerial aides wouldn’t he? Media training doesn’t teach you what to do when you lose your temper at the sheer ineptitude of your underlings.

He’d have still called Gillian Duffy a “bigot” when he assumed he was back in the safety of his blacked out government limo. Media Studies doesn’t teach you NEVER to reveal your true feelings does it?

It teaches you the tricks of communication. How to use every available tool in the communications workshop to make your point heard and memorable.

Brown got the ‘memorable’ bit all by himself. His problem was his method of hammering it home. Gordon’s approach was tantamount to using a sledgehammer where a meat tenderiser was all that was required.

His true failing was revealing that, like the rest of us, he’s infallibly human. He swears, cusses, gets angry, argues, is irritated by morons and endures bad moods just like we all do.

Like all ailing superheros, it is that humanity which eventually becomes the fuel of their ultimate downfall.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

ADAM MOSS TALKS A LOAD OF POLITICS

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I’VE had enough political junk mail through my letterbox in the last week to build a new House of Commons.

But there have been no knocks at my door from men or women in suits wanting my vote.

I’ve never felt so unwanted.

While Gordon Brown was slagging off Grannies in Rochdale, David Cameron was rolling up the oh-so-carefully pressed sleeves of his starchy white shirt, again, and Nick Clegg was standing on yet another soap-box spouting frothy sentences about how real the new third option now is, I was sitting, with baited breath, kettle at the ready and devil’s advocate speeches rehearsed, waiting for any half decent politico to come and have a go.

It didn’t happen. I waited, and waited. I even made a cup of coffee. Then I waited some more.

What happened to conversation, political debate? Is my front door the wrong colour? Does the fact that I live a few doors down from an undertaker mean I am politically irrelevant?

These, and many more, were the questions running through my mind as I flicked between news channels to see where in the UK our great political thinkers were delivering their latest lines in rehearsed leadership banter.

I would have thought that my vote counted. Particularly because I live in a Labour constituency which has been historically Tory but is marginal to say the least.

Isn’t this exactly the kind of killing field where the great battles of the 2010 General Election are supposed to be taking place.

I expected troops in blue, red and yellow, to be in full street combat outside my house. Instead, I got takeaway-style political leaflets through my letterbox. It’s a bloody shoddy approach to politics.

I voted this morning. None of them deserved it. They’d not even bothered to pretend to be anywhere near my house in the last few weeks.

Leaflets, KFC-style, that’s as cutting edge as this allegedly cut-throat political fight got in Heaton Moor.

I voted for Colonel Saunders. Fried chicken is the future.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER…………IT IS NOW

Friday, April 16th, 2010

HOT FAVOURITES CAMEROON SUFFER STAGEFRIGHT AND LOSE OUT TO STRONG CHALLENGE FROM LIBERIA’S DEMOCRATS WHILE THERE IS NO MOVE FOR DEFENDING CHAMPS UNITED STATES OF LABOUR

“THE RACE for the Premiership just got interesting didn’t it Ron?”

“It’s a game of three halves Motty. There’s 60 milllion referees and it’s a three horse race now. It couldn’t be more exciting.”

“So, we’re 90 minutes in. Is this likely to go to extra time or maybe even penalties Ron?”

“The jury’s still out Motty. There’s been some woeful defending but all three have got potential match-winners in their squads. Let’s hope they don’t waste too many chances in the final third. We’re bound to get one or two offsides in the final two legs. It’s anyone’s game right now.”

It certainly seems, after the first Leaders Debate, that Lib Dem leader-cum-super sub Nick Clegg, has stolen the headlines and the plaudits. But will that ever really transfer into tangible power? It’s a bit like the old ‘Crazy Gang’ Wimbledon beating Liverpool in the FA Cup Final – a refreshing change which surprised everybody before the team eventually slipped back down into the obscurity of the lower leagues once more.

Reigning champs Labour showed glimpses of just why they’ve been in power for so long. Centre-forward Gordon Brown displayed his silky ball juggling skills, especially when debating the economy. But there are Manchester United-like chinks in Labour’s armour that come, like at Old Trafford, from the kind of complacency that sets in when you are in command and believe that you are untouchable. United look likely to lose their ‘crown’ to Chelsea this season – Labour will be hoping that David Cameron’s blue-shirted Chelsea-supporting Tories don’t do exactly the same.

Chelsea…sorry….the Conservative Party are the pretenders to the Premiership throne. But unlike Chelsea, who are hammering home their promise in every match on the home straight, Cameron’s Blues took a bit of a ‘roasting’ in the first leg.

Trying to play Mr Nice Guy and avoid confrontation is all very well but not if it makes you look weak and indecisive. It was a golden chance in the six-yard box booted firmly into Row Z, wasn’t it David? A PR own goal for a former PR consultant?

Our own Brazen Exit Poll places the leaders popularity score, after the first leg, as follows:

Nick Clegg – 90%
Gordon Brown – 72%
David Cameron – 50%

It’s back to the drawing board for Cameron; a desire to keep exploiting the failures of the old guard in order to distract attention from his own policy inadequacies by Nick Clegg: and a prayer or two from Gordon Brown that his party’s painfully slow clawing-back of popularity turns into a fully-fledged sprint in the final lap.

“Politics. Bloody Hell,” as Sir Alex Ferguson might say.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

GENERAL ELECTION – ARE WE NOW VOTING FOR POLITICIANS OR CELEBRITIES?

Monday, April 12th, 2010

It’s just not cricket is it?

Just because our friends over the pond do it, does it make it right?

No, it doesn’t.

So stop it.

Hang your heads in shame David Cameron and Gordon Brown. This is a General Election not a Westminster heat of The X Factor.

So stop wheeling out celebrities to support your cause and offer ridiculously manufactured photo opportunities.

I’m not voting for Ian Botham, Michael Caine or even Dr Who himself -David Tennant.

Look what happened in America. Politics is now a tacky showbusiness style sideshow where the real issues are confused with who is more popular – Oprah Winfrey or Arnie. It is farsical. Ridiculous. Unnecessary.

Watching David Cameron go for a weekend jog with Ian ‘Beefy’ Botham was simply cringeful. And now Labour is wheeling out Dr Who.

Gordon – there may be a number of redundant robots in Westminster but there are no daleks. You don’t need the good Doctor.

Plus, he wouldn’t win any votes for you. He can’t even vote himself because he lives in a sodding phone box.

Sir Michael Caine – hang your head in shame. You’ve just blown the bloody doors off your credibility mate. Politics is no place for Harry Palmer.

This is politics and the future of the country we’re talking about, not a new UK soap opera. Can we talk about what you’ll actually be doing to improve the green, green grass of home rather than who’s in your little black books gents.

Yes, good PR practice, demands that in this day and age, celebrities are used to endorse products and companies at every turn. And it works too.

But the General Election is about our future, a serious issue with serious implications for everyone in the UK. This shouldn’t be some celebrity endorsed product launch.

Just for once, it would be nice to see the real issues – the promises the three big parties are making to the people of the UK – get an airing. Instead, the ‘promises’ are masked by dry ice, jogging pants and daleks. Shame.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

QUEEN SPEAKS TO GORDON BROWN AHEAD OF GENERAL ELECTION – WE HAVE THE WORLD EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

In an historic world first, Brazen’s Westminster mole has managed to secure a hard copy transcript of the minuted pre-election meeting between Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II this morning.

This is what was said as it happened……honest guv.

E.R: Good morning Mr Beige.

PM: It’s Brown, Your Majesty. I have come regarding important matters of state, namely, Cameron is forcing us to call a General Election.

E.R: Cameroon? Do we still own that country? I thought the Frenchies done nicked it? And which generals are we electrocuting exactly?

PM: Err, Cameron, Your Majesty, the leader of the Tory party. Cameroon is a country in Africa where they play football rather well and do, as you so graciously pointed out, speak with a Napoleonic tongue.

E.R: Get to the point Mr Fawn. The corgies are desperate for the Royal wee and Phil wants a quick canter around Horseguards.

PM: Err, it’s Gordon Brown, Your Majesty. The Prime Minister. While your morning ‘exercise’ sounds very interesting, we do have very important matters at hand. In a nutshell, the Labour Government has to dissolve Parliament in the next two weeks and call a General Election so the ordinary people of England can decide which party should form the next Government.

E.R: Look, Mr Tan, dissolving parliament sounds a little excessive. And it’ll take an awful lot of acid to get rid of that stench they refer to as the Liberal Democrats. You should take a leaf out of Guy Fawkes’ book. Gunpowder – it’ll all be over much more quickly. I always thought there wasn’t enough room for twvo palaces in London – the Palace of Westminster clearly has to go, though you have my permission to keep Big Ben, I’ve always thought of it as Buck House’s personal alarm clock anyway.

Ordinary people? What is this unfamiliar magic of which you speak? Oh…..you mean my subjects – the great unwashed? They get to choose a Government? That’s my job isn’t it? The cheek. They’ll be wanting their own homes next. Let them eat cake, I say.

PM: Quite. But Your Majesty, the people have been deciding who will form the Government for centuries now. Women and even those granted asylum are now allowed to vote too.

We want to call an election for May 6 this year.

E.R: The last time the public got to have its say it turned into my Annus Horribilis. I don’t intend to put My Majesty through another god-awful ten minutes of that kind of indecision again. What the devil do the workers know about anything other than paying my salary? They don’t even have their own palaces for goodness sake. Give them an inch and they’ll take all my stately piles.

PM: But it’s been this way for centuries. You are now a figurehead – you don’t really have any real power any more Your Majesty. It is actually, I, Gordon Brown, who runs this great country.

E.R: No you don’t, you jumped up plastic Rob Roy. Now get of my sight before I have you guillotined in Trafalgar Square and set Phil’s army on that pathetic excuse of a heather-filled back garden you call Scotland. My great-grandfather warned me you tartan-skirted nancy-boys would start a brawl if we allowed that convict actor Gibson to make Braveheart.

PM: But Your Majesty, that is terribly uncalled for and, if you don’t mind me saying so, unethical at least and overtly racist.

E.R: Oh get back to the docks and build me a new yacht will you, or I’ll serve you to the corgis. Election? You’ll be lucky. I’m doing my hair.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

BRAZEN PR’S GUEST BLOGGER – GLAMOUR MODEL KATIE PRICE – GIVES THE RUNDOWN ON FLEET STREET’S FINEST APRIL FOOLS STORIES

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

While Alex was giving my toes a massage this morning he started going on about how The Sun is gonna be printed on lickable, flavoured paper from now on.

I read that story and it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Everyone knows that if you did that the flavour would go too quickly – especially on Page 3. The Page 3 girls would have to charge extra too – they get paid to look pretty in undies, not be licked to death by weirdos on the bus.

You can’t push the wool under my eyes, y’know.

Evrywon finks I’m a bit daft. That’s just envy. Their jealous cos I know the name and colour of every single won of me £50 notes in my private valt.

I’m not cleverer than I look – that’d be impossibul wudn’t it? – but I know me way around the papers. There’s no fooling me with daft stories pretending to be tru when its April Fools Day.

That story today about Kylie being the most powerful celeb in Britain – as if! Everyone knows I’d nock her out cos she’s a dwarf in real-life. I stood next to her in a hotpants shop in Soho once – she didn’t even come up to me nipples. Powerful? She couldn’t even lift me false eyelashes she’s that small.

April Fools stories really annoy me actually. They get in the way of important pollytix news and that.

Look at that articul today about Gordon Brown in The Guardian. That’s really important. The one about the Labour party finally admitting he’s a bit violent and admitting it publicly and even putting it on posters. Like that one where it’s got his head on it and the words underneaf say ‘Step Outside, Posh Boy’.

I fink it’s brilliant that Gordon Brown is using violence positively. And that he’s facing up to Posh Boys. And it’s about time a prime minster had a bit of muscle. I fink it will help the posh boys to – they need toughening up a bit. I’ve texted Gordon already and offered Alex’s help. They’re obviously quite similar. See – I should be a bloody MP too, specially wiv all them expenses. I quite fancy a duck house and a lake to match me gazebo.

*For those of you disappointed that, clearly, Katie Price has had absolutely nothing to do with this blog, or gutted because you came here expecting to see some Price tits, here is a sentence of consolation. While there are no Price tits on view the REAL author of this blog is often referred to as a Prize Tit.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

SO WHO IS THE BULLY?

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Never mind Gordon Brown’s alleged dodgy people management skills, have the words ‘pot’, ‘kettle’ and ‘black’ ever been more accurate than when levelled at Bullying Helpline chief Christine Pratt this week?

I think not.

An Anti-Bullying Helpline chief who jumps on the Get-Gordon bandwagon and reveals ‘confidential’ information that employees of the PM’s office have been in contact over his management style.

Isn’t that kind of act what we civilised oh-so-politically-correct 21st Century types loosely describe as, well, bullying?

And we’re not the only ones who think it, it seems.

One of the patrons of the very same anti-bullying helpline at the centre of the row over Gordon Brown’s alleged mistreatment of junior staff has quit today amid a counter-attack launched by No 10.

Professor Cary Cooper said he could no longer remain as patron after Christine Pratt accused Downing Street of failing to take the issue of bullying seriously, citing “three or four” calls to the helpline.

“She did not reveal any names, but that is irrelevant. She is revealing the employer, which is No 10. I just think that is wholly wrong and inappropriate. You don’t do that. I can no longer be a patron,” said Professor Cooper.

It certainly seems like the unfortunately-named Ms Pratt has kicked up the kind of political storm she’d do well to avoid, assuming her anti-bullying helpline is non-political of course.

Right now it seems that she’s been wheeled out to give Gordon a good kicking while he’s down.

Either that, or her professionalism and timing are seriously in question today.

Either way. If Ms Pratt wants to play politics with the big boys then surely she should live and die by the same political sword. And, in true party politics style, I guess now might be a good time to resign.

Whether Gordon Brown’s management style can be considered bullying or not is, thanks to Ms Pratt, now not the issue.

But, if it were, I’d say if Gordon Brown feels the need to kick and scream at a few pampered civil servants in order to turn this country’s fortunes around then all power to him.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor

IS GORDON BROWN HUMAN AFTER ALL?

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Apart from the Daily Mail’s hideously predictable condemnation, Gordon Brown seems to have pulled off a bit of a positive PR coup with his Piers Morgan interview at the weekend.

Commentators are being, for the large part, generous in the extreme to the hugely under-fire PM after his ‘in-depth’ revelations on the ITV chat show.

It wasn’t, as you may suspect, that ‘in-depth’ or revealing, but it did paint a picture of Gordon Brown as far more human than most of us had imagined.

I smell Alistair Campbell’s involvement here. Somewhere along the line.

There have been one or two accusations of stage-management – i.e Brown knew the questions beforehand and had time to prepare his answers. Let’s be honest here, there is probably a great deal of truth in that theory. But, aren’t all Piers Morgan’s interviews on his show like that?

That’s how he gets such high-profile guests. It’s an old newspaper trick – and it works. Offer up the list of questions beforehand and you’ll get the interview everyone wants and the viewers/readers everyone wants too.

The ‘stage-management’ issue aside, Gordo seems to have ditched the robot-like political cloak he seems to keen on hiding himself behind most days and, as a result, has won some new admirers with his relaxed, anecdotal approach to the whole shebang.

You can’t please everyone of course. The Daily Mail’s old-school Tory bitterness is plain for all to see in Quentin Letts’ assessment of Brown’s hour of light-entertainment dialogue:

“Mr Brown once assured us that he would never use his family for cheap political stunts. Last night he did not just break that word. He shattered any right to be regarded as a man of self-respect.

“No matter how many votes it wins him, I suspect he will live to regret this appalling, ill-judged show.”

I wonder whether he’ll be quite so harsh when it is Tory leader David Cameron’s turn in the primetime spotlight?

Brown, in many ways, was in a no-win situation with this interview. If he hadn’t done it he’d have continued to have been accused of being nothing more than a stuffy, secretive political robot with a firewall between the public figure and his humanity.

And, once he agreed to appear, the knives were already being sharpened in the back rooms of right-wing Fleet Street.

We applaud Gordo for giving it a go. It may well have been stage-managed, he may well have had hours of coaching from a certain Mr Campbell in preparation but we think Toby Young, said it best in the Telegraph:

“The figure that emerged during the hour-long interview was witty and relaxed, never more so than when talking about Sarah, his extremely telegenic wife. He even opened up about the death of their 11-day-old daughter, a personal tragedy that’s sure to touch the hearts of the British people. The contrast with the stiff, socially awkward Thunderbird puppet who has run the country for the past two-and-a-half years could not have been greater.”

Is it too late to save his ailing Labour Government though?

Probably.

By Adam Moss, Brazen News Editor